so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
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It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
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Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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