Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
