3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I feel like death gave me a hand job
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
