Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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