hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
