Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you didnt know i had herpes?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
