he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
