i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
