I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Thank you for not boning my boss.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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