Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
