I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
it glows. i had to have it.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Randomize
