The beer is more important than you right now.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
