Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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