Don't you send me to vm
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
