tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
