ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
