I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
her facebook's as public as her vagina
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
