now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
