last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
this will be a night to untag.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
