I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
