Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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