I puked a lego.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
