Only a mothe r could love this liver
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
