i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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