THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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