he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
