shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
