I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
