so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
True strength comes from lack of pants
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
