Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
