SEEEEXXX PLEASE
he told me I talked like a deaf person
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
