I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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