Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
