I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
