so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
