I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
