Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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