I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
