You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
