bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
They have beer where we have blood.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
