no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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