I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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