doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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