I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
