Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
True strength comes from lack of pants
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize