Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry getschwasted hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(847): View more from Illinois

Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state

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(925): View more from California

You make homosexuality sound like a cult.

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(207): View more from Maine

Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived

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(636): View more from Missouri

you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.

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(281): View more from Texas

I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...

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(240): View more from Maryland

I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.

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(509): View more from Washington

Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...

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(410): View more from Maryland

My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.

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