Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize