Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
