I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
As shirtless as possible
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
