The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
