I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
