So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
