can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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