So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I want her autograph on my taint
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
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