A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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