Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
