Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
is that a dick in a sweater?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
