he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
