I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
