Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
