i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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