It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
