Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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