How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
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