The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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