My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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