theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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