i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Bang-toberfest begins!!
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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