mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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