i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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