WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize