If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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