I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
